Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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