You just made me feel so damn special
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
