he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
