The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Where is the hickey?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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