I love black thongs
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The air taste purple.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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