I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
