I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
