3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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