the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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