im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
