I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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