a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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