I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
