Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
