Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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