I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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