guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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