im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
