all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
