I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
