Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize