take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
