Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
