I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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