If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
