Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
