worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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