Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
