We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think I sprained my soul last night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
