i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize