you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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