My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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