Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
