You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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