This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
