It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
