I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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