i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Randomize
