I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
