Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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