too bad you live with your parents still
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
