it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
