I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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