when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
