what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
