Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
