We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
