my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
