I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
