Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
