New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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