yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
