I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
