Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize