Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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