I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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