This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
