Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
