We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
