You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
