I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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