not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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