I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
