She is in my trunk
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we're so committed to being not committed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
