Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize