his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
