Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
