Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
