I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
