I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
