You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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