she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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